lifetsyle

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Resentment


Its been two LONG years

To scared to ask you what really happened….

I mean,

Did you really love her?

And…. why did you lie to me?

Those opposing questions constantly dance in my head.
And yeah
I tried to forgive you and pretend like everything was alright
But,
Truth is, I can't stand your very sight,
You disgust me!!!
Because seeing you always brings me back to those memories of how you hurt me… you cut me deep
Allllllll I can see is the way you probably kissed her, and held her, hugged her,
And told her you loved her…
While you had me at home crying and wondering if I was good enough for you.
I constantly question my beauty……. Maybe if I had a booty, maybe he would love me more than her.

And I can't stand the very sight of her…
Seeing her smile just makes me think of how happy she was to have you,
And her having the reassurance that you love her
But
What she doesn't know is that I'm the other women in your life
And yes
I hold these feelings in because my sin doesn't out weigh yours
I'm wanting to cling to something that I really can't have

Now, you're telling me that you guys are over
And you see something in me
But I just won't let myself believe you
Every time I hear you speak… I think back, to all those lies you allowed yourself to tell me
Thinking that you were helping me,
But you were actually hurting me
And I began to cry inside and think…

Why?

Why did I let myself get caught up in this???
I knew you were the way you were before
And I began to realize, you two will never be over
And I don't have time to sit around and wait on you!!!
I am much too good for that!!!
So I stand up, and I let all those bottled up emotions,
Thoughts of rage, anger, and hurt that accumulated for two entire years out in very minutes
And I tell you I can't do it anymore!!!
And you tell me you didn't know he hurt me like he did…

What a liar!!!

You mean to tell me that you didn't realize all this hurt derived from one lie!!!
That led to many others!!!
You ask me why did I keep it in so long, you didn't realize that you made me feel this way…
I ask you are you serious Shawn, how could you treat me that way???
You say you are honestly sincerely sorry for ever hurting me.
I'm reluctant, but I accept your apology.

What he doesn't realize that I'm scarred for life and things will never be how they used to be, that's too hard for me.
Now he's trying to build a relationship with me
And now I'm the one who lies and cheats
Ignoring phone call, after phone call and never wanting to give him quality time from me.
So now you can call ME the big playa playa pimp pimp
So you see the cycle never ends….

Written by Angela B. Beasley

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